Excerpt
Chapter One
How To Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Okay. This method never fails. (Provided your third putt left you no more than six feet from the cup.)
1. Grab your putter.
2. Walk once slowly around the perimeter of the green mumbling the word “POO–POO–KAH–KAH” over and over, holding your club at arm’s length in front of you. This is the beginning of the ceremony.
3. Stop and button your collar all the way to the neck.
4. Stand over the ball and look up at the sky. Raise your putter into the air with both hands and say, “This, by God, is it!”
5. Slowly look down at your ball. It will have moved to about two feet from
the hole!
6. Remember all the things you have done wrong in life, keeping your chin on your breastplate.
7. Say “POO–POO–KAH–KAH” tightly one more time. Your ball will now be about one foot from the hole.
8. Step back, breathe deeply, and drop to your knees, “reading” the green intently. Quietly and gently say, “Aw, sheee...it.”
9. Stand up! Throw your putter down and violently tear open the Velcro seal on your golf glove! Heave the glove into the nearest bunker. You will feel a serenity like none you’ve ever known.
10. Your ball will now be seven inches from the cup.
11. Now nestle that putter into your left hand, forming a “V” where your thumb and index finger collide. Imagine a long, sharp stake running from the ball, through the clubhead, past the elbow, into the heart, and finally piercing the brain. That’s it! This is the real beginning of the stroke itself, when ball, club, hands, heart, and brain are all connected by a long, sharp stake.
12. Cover your left hand by wrapping it with your right hand from the opposite side.
Chapter 45
How to Hit the Ball on Your First Try
This is difficult, but it can be done if you:
* Concentrate on hitting the ball on your first try.
* Keep the distance between your head and your feet constant at all times.
* Shift your weight, or lose some weight, or both, at the appropriate moment.
* Make sure to choose a club before you address the ball.
* Rotate though the lateral, conical, and spherical space that defines your relationship to the ball, both before and after any contact, expected or unexpected.
* Swing very slowly. It might not go far, but this could increase your chances.
* Absolutely maximize club–head speed at point of expected impact.
If you manage to miss it on the first try, just yell “Be the right club” again. Your opponent will begin to consider having his call retriever re–gripped.
