The Natural Laws of Good Luck: A Memoir of an Unlikely Marriage Hardcover - 2009

In China, my husband had never driven a car. He was sure he could learn in two hours. He owned a big a motorcycle in China. How different could it be?
I soon discovered that the solid centerlines had no significance to him. The lanes held no association to restricted sideways movement. Country drivers in big-wheeled pick-up trucks sped up and skimmed past us, shouting obscenities. I instructed Zhong-Hua in the basics, that the person on the main road had right-of-way and that a red light meant stop until the light changed to green.
“I don’t think so.”
“What do you mean, you don’t think so? Red means don’t go. You have to wait, that’s the law.”
“In China, who can go, just go. Is okay. Big road, small road, left turn, right turn—this doesn’t matter. Just watch, see, look at. Okay—go. Not okay—not go. Also, people drive on any side of the road. Which side open, which side drive.”
“Watch out! Stay in your lane, stay in your lane!”
“Another driver say ‘asshole.’ What is asshole?”
“It means he’s mad. Get over, get over!”
I was gasping and holding onto the ceiling, my feet braced against the dash. My husband sighed and said I “must be” ride in the back seat because I was making him nervous and this was “very danger.” I wasn’t in the habit of drinking alcohol, but for several weeks, as soon as we returned home alive from a driving excursion, I sedated myself with Chinese wine, the kind that numbs your mouth like Novocain for a full hour.
One day my husband turned left from the right-hand lane, cutting off a Lincoln Continental. Brakes screamed, and Zhong-Hua was looking right into the quivering jowls of the red-faced driver. The man stuck his whole face out the window and sputtered, “You almost killed us!”
“Yes.”
“I said you almost killed us, buddy. Do you hear?”
“Yes, yes.”
“What do you have to say when I say you almost killed us?”
“Thank you very much!”
“I’m yelling at you. Why do you say thank you?”
“I don’t know. I just think, thank you.”
“Okay, you’re welcome.” The guy pulled his face back. Zhong-Hua waved and thanked him again.

“A compelling read for anyone with an interest in the nuts and bolts of how to keep a marriage together.”—Times Union 
<p style="line-height: 150%;">“A poignant, witty look at cultural misunderstandings, the intimacies of marriage, and the deep bonds of human connection.”—Gail Tsukiyama

 "An impressive debut, one of the funniest and most moving love stories to come around in a long time."—Library Journal

"This memoir is as unusual as it is hilarious, as brilliant as it is kind. Not only is it among the most moving love stories I have ever read, it is also one of the most emotionally complicated—which is not even to mention how fun it is to read."—Tom Bissell, author of The Father of All Things

"Ellen Graf and her husband, Lu Zhong-hua, take the realm of marriage and spin it on an irresistible new axis. Conventional notions of romance become riddles as these two quirky, endearing individuals fumble from delight to disaster and back again. Graf's exquisite memoir is quite simply the greatest love story I've ever read."—Aimee Liu, author of Cloud Mountain

“A winning tale of two surprisingly compatible lovers who find each other at the opposite ends of the earth.”—More.com

“After a blind date and the briefest of courtships, Ellen Graf, a divorced mother of four, marries her tai chi teacher’s brother-in-law in China, and the usual challenges of married life are complicated by an immense cultural gap.  As her husband navigates the unfamiliar landscape of upstate New York, a portrait emerges of a heroic and memorable man, but not before you laugh a little, and cry a little more.”—Ilene Traiger, Books on the Common, on IndieBound.org

“Graf’s memoir is a delightful account of East meets West in a loving relationship, complete with inevitable culture clashes resulting from wildly different ethnicities, customs, and background experiences. This appealing, true tale of adaptation (an ongoing process required in any marriage but taken here to extremes) is infused with an unforced sweetness and offers heartfelt and authentic proof of what we do for love.”—Booklist

Ellen Graf is a writer and sculptor. She has received the New York Foundation for the Arts Fellowship, a Ludwig Vogelstein Foundation Grant, and she holds an MFA in creative writing from Bennington College.